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I hate moving day.

No, I really do. I hate it a lot. I hate it so much that writing about it gives me a weird sense of glee that few topics do. It’s pretty maniacal, I’m working on it.

I figure if I am able to prevent 100 moving failures in my life, I’ll make up for every flopped move I did in my early twenties. (Who knew that magic mushrooms for moving day helpers was a bad idea?)

I’ll skip all the canned copy and get straight to the good stuff. This one isn’t a tutorial on how to pack, or what to do -I’ve covered those topics before.

This one’s going to be different. I’ve moved over 13 times in my life (and botched the first 6).

Long distance moves, and short hauls across town on a subway. Yes, once I moved all of my belongings across town on 3 subways and 2 bus rides, 5 trips, alone. That’s what I get for taking a new job in a new town right before a recession.

I know a thing or two about moving and today, more than ever, at the ripe old age of 33 years –I know when to do it myself, and when to call a professional.

There’s a youth to income index that makes hiring a professional mover difficult for some, it sure did for me. The times I needed a professional moving service I couldn’t afford one, and when I used one the first time out of spite and pride, I got a high-five from the mover because it was the easiest move he’d ever done. I’d only filled a van and the guy got to take a few hours off.

So here are my rules for moving day and how to know when to do it yourself, or with the aid of a professional. And remember, there’s always house removals Peterborough by Reads Removals.

When to Hire a Professional Mover

Hire a professional mover if you’ve just got way too much stuff. I’m a low-accumulator now. I became such a great mover over time that “there is no move”. If moving were the Matrix, I’d be the moving Neo – dodging bubble wrap and tape rolls with the best of ’em. Today, everything I own fits into a 50 litre Osprey backpack and I travel full-time. I’m a DIY mover (and a shaker).

Hire a professional mover if you’re a basket-case and the chaos of seeing all of your belongings strewn across your home, being packed up, moved, and unpacked gives you heart palpitations that you require a puffer to alleviate.

Hire a professional mover if you have money. There is no badge of honor for doing your own moves; your friends literally take the phone off the hook and sleep in, and for a weekend you just smell desperate. No one will call you for fear of being sucked into the moving day vortex. People also hate the pressure of having their lack of motivation equated with how much they like you. It just isn’t classy. Don’t do it.

Hire a professional if you’re clumsy. You will break enough of your own assets to warrant the cost savings by hiring a pro.

When to Move Yourself

Move yourself if you’re an organized person with nerves of steel.

Move yourself if you’ve got good (and somewhat needy) friends who do equate their willingness to help you move with telling you how much they like you.

Move yourself if you’re kinda’ broke, but not too broke to spring for beers for the boys and Bloody Caesars for the ladies. After a long day, keep people greased: They might help you unpack, too. Just do not hand out the drinks – or any other party favour for that matter– until the move is complete. I won’t make that mistake more than 4 times, let me tell ya’. I always had the most people show up, too. Correlation?

Move yourself if you have a secret super hero identity. It happens. Imagine how awkward it would be if Bruce Wayne had to claim a damaged utility belt. (Or smashed bong collection, whatever floats your boat).

Not cool. In summary; Just hire a mover.